


The Way I Loved You

by blasphemyincarnate



Series: When We Fall [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angels, Angst, Anniversaries, Anyways, F/M, Fluff, Introspection, Kinda, M/M, Probably ooc, Reflection, Romance, The Impala - Freeform, and like jess, cause y’all ship wars are fucking crazy, except meg obviously, historian!Castiel, i don’t write that nasty shit, im treating these like tumblr tags that’s not right, it’s basically comparing meg v Dean from cas’s POV except there’s a bit of plot, mechanic!Dean, meg is dead, megstiel and destiel, plot without porn, so here’s my take, there’s one and its a vaguely important plot point so, theyre a bit older than that, uhh some gay shit??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemyincarnate/pseuds/blasphemyincarnate
Summary: Castiel thinks he did love Meg (and he thinks he still does). He loved her like she was the sun and it was the kind of love where everything was planned and beautiful (he still remembers her saying she wanted a daughter and two sons, and they’d have been named Tiana, Samuel, and William. He hadn’t minded the names, thought they were beautiful.)Loving Dean was... different. Dean wasn’t planned or beautiful (but Castiel thinks they’re beautiful in their own way), Dean was messy and fiery and a kind of burning that started in the most human of spots but burned deeper and brighter until you woke up one day and realized you were in love (and it’s okay, because Dean is perfect.)Castiel has fallen twice - once into snow and once into fire. He thinks they’re both wonderful.





	The Way I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from “The Way I Loved You” by Taylor Swift. It’s not actually symbolic at all, I just remembered the song and was like “hey that totally works for this fic!”
> 
> Disclaimers - no characters are mine, they all belong to SPN writers and associates. Don’t repost this work anywhere and don’t claim any part of it as your own.

“Good morning, Meg,” Castiel says, sitting down on the cold dirt. “Happy birthday.” The gravestone doesn’t respond, but it’s not like he expected it to anyways. “I realized something the other day. I think I loved you. I talked about it with Sam, you know how Dean would’ve responded, and he thinks so too. Did you love me?”

It still doesn’t respond and Castiel still doesn’t expect it to.

He did love Meg. He knows that now. They were beautiful and perfect and could’ve ruled the world together, he’s sure of it. They would’ve had three children - Tiana first, then twins Samuel and William. He can remember hundreds of nights in the dark when they talked about the kids. 

Castiel misses her. She was beautiful and sarcastic and a burning star during his darkest times, and he owes her his life. Yeah, he misses her.

”I think you did. I think you loved me when you died and I think you would’ve loved me today if you hadn’t gone.” Curse Azazel Masters and his penchant for killing off his children. Castiel falls quiet for a moment.

“I think I love Dean, too. No, I know. I love him.” For a moment, he doesn’t say anything. “But it’s different than it was for you. With you, it was clean cut and shining. Like snow. Yes, I think that’s a good metaphor. My love with you was like snow, crisp and clean and beautiful. It’s different with Dean. Loving Dean is like loving a flame, all rippling edges and dangerous burning and smoke that obscures your vision. I think you would’ve liked Dean. You two would’ve gotten along beautifully - our love might’ve been snow, but you were a flame as much as him.”

”This fire-snow metaphor is getting kind of old, but I don’t know how else to explain it. You two met each other once, didn’t you? Did you like him? I can’t remember if you did.”

Castiel sighs and exhales, watching his breath curl and disappear. Behind him, he can practically feel Dean’s stare on his back while he waits in the Impala.

”It’s getting cold now, Meg. I hope it isn’t cold wherever you are. That’s not implying I hope you’re in hell, but you know what I mean. You always did.” He stands up and reaches out to caress the cold marble (it looks weird, even to him, but that is what he’s doing after all.)

”Maybe I’ll invite Annie next year, and maybe Dean can come out and meet you. That’d be nice. See you next year, Meg.”

Castiel walks away, to his future. Dean Winchester who sits in the front seat of a decades old Impala. He’s chatting with Sam, Castiel can tell even from here.

Sam Winchester. It feels like they shared a life experience of some sort. Sam lost Jessica, his first love, to the same serial killer who killed Meg (Jessica wasn’t Azazel’s daughter, but she was in the way.) Sam broke, Sam fixed. Sam fell in love with Gabriel.

_Castiel Winchester is to Meg Masters as Sam Winchester is to Jessica Moore. Castiel Winchester is to Dean Winchester as Sam Winchester is to Gabriel Erelah._

Yeah, it fits. Castiel smiles at Dean who returns one easily and lifts a hand. He waves, looks back at the grave. 

**r. i. p.**

**Megara Masters**

**(1984-2005)**

**b e l o v e d**

Castiel’s not sure why she insisted on her full name, but it doesn’t matter. Maybe he  _would_ bring Annie next year. The six year old girl with the bright red hair (god, she reminds him of _his_ Anna so much) is too curious for her own good. She’d love to visit Meg and hear about her.

Yeah, he’d bring Annie. He’d drag Dean along, and maybe even Sam and Gabriel. Their whole fucked up family mourning a girl who died ten years ago.

It’d be nice.

Castiel smiles and turns back to the Impala, to face his future.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I just wrote asdfghjkl


End file.
